Access Earnt: A Lesson In Assertion

G’day. What would be your best way of handling emotional stress? Some talk it out, some run it out, some play it out and others draw it out.

Let me tell you about Craig and his art. Craig was a mess – teary, testy, tight tummies and very angry. His parents had separated three years earlier and Craig missed dad big time. Dad said he missed Craig and his brother heaps but it was all mum’s fault so that put Craig into a spin, does he believe his mum or his dad?

The problem doubled this year when Dad teamed up with another lady, Cherise, and he became a distracted dad. When it was access weekend, dad and the boys now spent the weekend at grandma’s. If the kids phoned dad midweek, often the call would end up in a tirade against mum.

When dad was due to pick them up for the weekend he was often late because he had to pick Cherise up after work.

The crisis came last holidays when dad was due to take the boys away but Cherise had other plans and the week was called off.

However this story has a fascinating twist. I was making videos about the worrywoos at a local school with teachers telling us how they used and adapted the little monsters.

One teacher with the older children said she had the class create their own monsters. It turns out that Craig was in that group and had created a new monster “Pullo” with two heads to show kids being torn between mum and dad! How clever was that!

When I got to have a chat with Craig about Pullo he teared up and so we looked at the problem through dad’s eyes. He too, was torn between his kids and Cherise.

But Sandy, his mum, also got to hear about Craig’s Pullo and decided that enough was enough. Through her friends Sandy gained the confidence to say that word we all hate but sometimes need….NO.

Sandy still took the line that dad loved the boys, but there’d be no more, what she called “doh-cee-dohing” around dad. Now they went on with their life and dad would have to fit in. If dad was way late for access, mum would go on with whatever she was doing and leave a message on the door as to where the boys could be picked up. And there’d be no more upsetting and frustrating calls to dad unless there was something fantastic to tell. Dad could call them.

To Craig’s surprise (and delight) dad lifted his game. He now calls twice a week, is always on time for his weekend pick-up and I’ll bet next holidays won’t be a problem (at least for the kids). Craig’s tight tummies have disappeared and he’s performing much better at home and at school. Well done, Pullo!