Andrew’s gift : A lesson in ingenuity

Look around your house and you’ve probably got photos, cards or gifts that someone you love and remember has given to you. Because I worked for so long with so many kids I seem to have accumulated a few.

Let me share my time with Andrew and his gift to me. Like a lot of school phobic kids he was very bright but very sensitive and not very good socially. Andrew was a boy whose IQ far exceeded his EQ (Emotional Intelligence) so school was hell for him.

Mum was a very busy and successful artist, dad was an engineer but couldn’t cope with bureaucratic pressures so he became an odd jobs handyman. But just normal financial pressures meant mum really had to work long and hard and attend exhibitions and was very pre-occupied.

Somewhere in there Andrew got lost. His phobia had a double whammy – he hated the bullying and teasing he got at school particularly from Branco, because he was a “nerd” and he hated leaving home because he was a real mum’s boy and mum was emotionally distant.

The absentee notes started to pile up as Andrew used every excuse to avoid school. As an ex-teacher myself I used to love some of the excuses parents made for their children’s absence. Just because I love humour here are a few I saved:

* “Please excuse Natalie as her father was home.”

* “Please excuse Paul for whichever day he was away last week.”

* “Sorry Mick wasn’t at school. Couldn’t move the mongrel!”

And what about this one: “Please excuse Paul for being. It was his father’s fault”.

Back to Andrew – it got to the point that he wouldn't even leave the house. His days were spent curled up on his bed in the foetal position and locking himself away from life. When he was threatened with force he tried to hang himself from a fortunately weak shower curtain rail.

His family were devastated. Mum cut out after school art commitments and dad spent more time doing electronic “stuff” together.

We had a session with the teacher, got some medication into the mix, got the school counsellor involved and had a supportive plan of action to go by.

But every family has a way to win success if the kids love something to live for. In Andrew's case that life line was his electronics.

The school put Branco, the bully on notice that kindness was the key to him continuing at the school, Andrew's dad helped him develop an electronic kit with $2 for the essential electronic extras each new back to school goal he achieved, like getting out of the house, going past the school, going through school grounds after hours, going to the computer room in hours and so on.

An ecstatic Andrew phoned me a few weeks later to tell me he'd made it to school. He’s now a young man and working with an IT company.

And why am I so proud? Well in the time this kid was unable to make it out of the house he made me a laser detector to tell me when my teenage daughters were back in!