Bronwen Daddo: A lesson in creating good times

G’day. This is a story for those dealing with the empty nest. You probably know of the famous Daddo family. I only met Cameron but I remember our Japanese exchange student thought he was the most charming man she had ever met – kind, serene, friendly, capable and calm. I gather his brothers and sister have that same quality. I was intrigued to know what sort of parent could produce such beautiful children, so I included mum’s perspective among the “Famous Footnotes” in my “Who’d be a parent” book.

It’s easy to imagine such a mum would not have a care in the world but Bronwen was coping with a load which many of us would find crippling – running a small farm miles from anywhere, a busy husband who was often away, four famous children scattered all over the globe, a son (Jamie) who had an horrific accident and was left with a significant disability – yet Bronwen maintained that calm, serene, natural, humble and wise demeanour. I asked Bronwen how she coped. In her words -

“Perhaps for our family, maybe ever family, the hardest part is to learn to say “Goodbye” as happily as we say “hullo”! The greeting we give never equals the parting. As they travel we hope in our hearts their paths will often cross over. Distance, time, commitment can all block this. But though the meetings become distanced, OUR love stays the same.

But, you know what I think is the real issue, not how we cope with the hard times but how do we create the good times!

My mum taught me some wonderful lessons; when the kids were sick, I remember mum said just to put cool gentle hands on the forehead. Sickness was not a bad thing, and it would pass. And the joy of clean sheets, flowers, a jug of lemonade or glucose, drink it all and you will feel better. That has always stayed with me.

I’ve always believed that boundaries are necessary but they’re there to explore. Starting with the playpen, those boundaries were good, they help the kids feel secure in their own space, when they’re ready they can push up and the boundaries become a tool in growth, then they need fences and again those offer security, but then later they’re ready to climb those and go beyond to the wider world. It’s a process of breaking boundaries for new discoveries.

But communication with children is so important, it’s so easy but it takes time, adults are so busy that they may try to hurry their kids thoughts and efforts to communicate. Give them time to come up with what they want to say.

Sometimes it’s hard to find that time at home, then try to take off and go to neutral territory, and just be there, no big plans, no shopping just be there and get to make contact and communicate with each other. And then just see what happens next, don’t try to plan it all”.

Ordinary words from an ordinary mum achieving extraordinary outcomes in her family. What I got from Bronwen’s message is to just let the love flow and the legacy of love is there for life, no matter how far they travel or how low they fall or how busy they become. That earthing in love will be the single biggest thread to pull them through. Thanks Bronwen.