Bryce Courtney – a lesson in turning a negative to a positive

If you had the chance to meet someone famous who had made a big impact on you or who you admired, would you be able to reel off a few names?

One such character for me was Bryce Courtney, the famous author of so many books, including for my purposes here, his tell-tale book “April Fool’s Day”. When we met in the Green Room waiting to be called into the TV studio, I asked Bryce if he’d like to make a guest’s contribution to my “Who’d be a parent” book. A week later I got a note from him

which I’ve always treasured. Here is a heavily condensed excerpt.

“Dear Dr John, I don’t know what you’d like to know about my story. I do know that being a parent is without any doubt the greatest challenge I have ever faced. As you know we reared three boys (which is a challenge in itself) but Damon, our youngest, was a haemophiliac with medically acquired AIDS, who died at the age of 24. Maybe the best I can offer has been said in April Fools Day, which is Damon’s book. Maybe some of my early recollections of the long lonely hours of parenting a sick child will strike a chord in those parents who’ve been through something similar.

“Throughout his life Damon was to have at least three blood transfusions a week and sometimes more. We would put him to bed at night not knowing how long it would be before we were wakened to his cry. Later, when he could walk, he would come to my bedside and tug on my arm “Wake up daddy, I’ve got another bleed”.

It was always my job to wake up at night and attend to Damon. I’d be lying. I’d flop into bed exhausted only to be awakened two hours later by a Damon tug on my arm. Sometimes my head would be splitting and my mouth tasting like the inside of a parrot’s cage. I often found this hard and felt sorry for myself.

Even so, there is something that happens to you when you have a critically ill child. Damon’s haemophilia called for an emotional neutrality. We decided it must never interfere with the opportunities available to Brett and Adam. They must not feel its impact on their lives. And so you couldn’t in the end allow yourself to react emotionally to the circumstances around you, his bleeds and the procedure they involved took precedence over everything else. When you were in the Damon box, the haemophilia compartment, you simply got on with things and tried to create as little fuss as possible. There was an emotional price to pay for this, sometimes I appear very cold and unfeeling. However the discipline involved in conducting one’s life in this way is not good for the human soul.

Looking back, those long nights were my real time with Damon, the time a father should spend with his sons, but never really allows time for in everyday life. Damon and I grew up together in the dark hours when most of the world and almost all the kids in it, were asleep”. (P. 48 April Fools Day).

Wow, so there you go. Often those of us with typical teenagers resent them constantly giving us the benefit of their inexperience. But I’d bet Bryce Courtney would have gladly swapped places.