Damyon: A lesson in doing hard yards

G’day. Today’s story begins with a whinge but ends up in triumph! Because there’s no licence to parent and because authorities appear petrified of being accused of “stealing” kids from their parents, grossly incompetent and cruel parenting is allowed to be inflicted on children.

But worse, even when the safety of children forces Welfare to take the children away… at the whim of an unstable parent, the children are returned.. and so the destructive cycle continues. With each relocation the bonds get harder to forge and the child’s behaviour usually becomes more difficult to manage.

But, you cry, we don’t have the resources. That’s not true. If we spent a fraction of the money in the early prevention/intervention years to help young lost, lonely and troubled parents that we spend on housing our failures in more and more jails, we would make a difference.

But Damyon’s story gives us hope and direction. How do you think you would have fared had you had a childhood like Damyon’s? Damyon is closer to 40 now. He has done time for vicious assault on wife’s ex-boyfriend and the sort of person you’d never entrust children to.

Damyon can’t remember much about his childhood. Mum was an alcoholic and dad used to beat her (and the kids) mercilessly. She died when Damyon was still at primary school. Damyon couldn’t cope with dad (and apparently nor could Welfare) so he took to the streets and fended for himself till the court had him locked up. That proved to be anything but a safe haven as the ex-boyfriend had a contract out with another inmate to dispose of Damyon.

But Damyon had one or two things going for him; he was bright and he was a terrific footballer. He knew that what he was doing was a stupid way to be wasting his life even though he knew no other way.

Damyon met up with Narelle who had two boys who he adored but even that couldn’t stop his wayward life.

So he was locked up again. But while in jail, he took to reading some self-help books, did some work experience in green-keeping and grounds management and was determined to find a better way to live.

What bugged Damyon most was that he had let down the two boys who worshipped the ground he walked on, particularly as their mother was locked away in a drug rehab program.

 When Damyon got parole he knew what he had to do - he had to win back these boys and prove to the court that he could. His football coach took him under his wing and got him some work at the oval, and Damyon took every course he could to learn how to love and how to be a good parent.

Welfare finally let him take the boys back on a trial basis. The boys settled down incredibly well and very quickly, and although Damyon had little finesse in his fathering, he had the basics - commitment, courage and the boys’ respect. So far so good and mum is now allowed out every second weekend to catch up with Damyon and the kids.

I remember Damyon’s case, not just because of his sheer courage and tenacity against all odds but because I’ve always respected battlers. If you feel the same way, and if  you have battlers in your life doing hard yards as mum or dad or step-parent or grandparent or foster carer, make sure you let them know how proud you are of the job they’re doing – it can make all the difference!