Elena’s eczema

It’s hard work for kids to understand or explain how they feel when they’re too young to have the words to share. Young Elena was just six when she was brought in to see me – a bouncy, pixie sort of kid with big wide blue eyes, very fair skin, her hair tied back and with a fringe at the front. Her parents knew she was bright, she was already reading and drawing but this year at school her grades, attitude and attendance had all gone downhill in a hurry. Elena just said she hated school. Bullying was the school’s best bet so they shifted her to another table where there were really nice kids but nothing changed.

But I’ve found, if you want kids to open up, take the spotlight off them and just engage their imagination using a third party. Sometimes I might use my magic gem stone rocks or some other little clutchable or squeezable symbol to engage their imagination but Elena was attracted to my worrywoos characters sitting on the shelf behind me. These are very cuddly attractive dolls used a lot in schools and each carrying some emotional challenge – like worry or anger, jealousy, loneliness, insecurity, low self esteem, confusion. To my surprise Elena chose Rue the one with self image problems who hated her big nose. So I let her take it home along with the storybook, “The nose that didn’t fit”

When Elena came back in, we talked about Rue and the fact that Rue didn’t like herself because she had a big nose, and I asked Elena was there something about her that she didn’t like. Quick as a flash Elena swept her fringe off her forehead exposing an eczema rash on her hair-line . Her little eyes were glistening with grief so to take the focus off her, I shared with a few things I didn’t like about my looks and then mum joined in with a few she didn’t like about herself and we all started laughing as we off-loaded our body image issues. It ended up great fun: Elena had no idea that mum hated her pale skin too!

So, with the teacher’s support, I let Elena take Rue and the book to school. The teacher and Elena were both surprised at how many kids didn’t like something about their body – height, hair, skin, ears, teeth, nose – everything got a mention. When the teacher asked Elena, she quickly and confidently swept her hair back and named her eczema. No one in the class was all that interested as they each had their own defect to mention but it made Elena realize that we’re all different and that’s what make us who we are - Elena now felt normal for the first time.

She’s is fine now. She didn’t really teach me anything but reinforced two things – how oversensitive we are about anything that make us feel different and also how powerful play is in unearthing and unwinding kids’ problems. I think we should all have a new motto - to embrace play in our lives and to die young, as late as possible! Well done, Elena!