Foster families: A lesson in unconditional love

G’day. If you’re a parent then I’ll guarantee you’re in awe of people who become foster parents. They would have to rank as some of the most valuable unsung heroes in our community.

I was a guest speaker at a Foster Parents’ conference. One lady, Elaine, has had 14 foster children and feels she has really made a difference in their lives. Elaine went to the trouble after my talk to give me this award winning excerpt from their magazine.

“I cast my mind back to a cold July day when Owen and I picked up our two foster care teenagers, Sharon and Anne-Maree. They were cold and hungry, their clothes were paper thin, summer weight, well-worn and stained. They had no socks or jumpers and looked more like waifs from Oliver Twist. Sharon had blisters on her feet and Anne-Maree had her arm in plaster.

When we met, neither girl would look at us or even mention our name and any attempt to help was rejected with anger and spite.

"We tried everything to please - choice of menus, new bedroom suite and furnishings and new clothes. At Christmas each present was unwrapped but they just sought the next and the next hoping that something might give them the kick, (or the message from mum?) that they craved. We even bought a dog thinking that might help, and encouraged friends but there was never a name mentioned for us to follow up on.

But the motto is "to hang in there and not give up". They didn't leave us and in time things improve especially for Anne-Maree. After 8 months even Sharon was able to mention the name of a friend at school. Noone knows what that meant to us; the tide had turned. With the aid of coaching, the schoolwork picked up too and we were able to get them into drama and they even started dancing lessons.

Then three years ago I was diagnosed with cancer and within a few weeks of my coming home from hospital Anne-Maree ran away. Despite our best efforts she chose to live elsewhere. We were at an all-time low, shattered and our reserves of energy were diminishing.

"However we set about rebuilding our lives and rebuild we did! Owen, always in the wings, helping wherever possible, maintained the stability. Sharon was gaining social confidence and on one particular weekend we felt the vibes that her lonely Saturday nights at home were coming to an end.

Andrew appeared on the scene and even the name had a ring to it. Happy days lay ahead. Pain turned to joy, loneliness to fun, and study results to success.

Last year she and Andrew announced their engagement. The wedding is planned for January and we have invited them all - the grandparents, the aunts, Anne-Maree and on top of the guest list is the mother, for Sharon is at peace with them all.

We've experienced many highs and lows but there will never be a greater high than this. People who tread the level ground are often not hurt but without the lows one can't experience the highs. As the organ strikes up the Mendelssohn's wedding march there will be this most beautiful radiant young lady dressed magnificently as a bride - poised, confident and at peace with the world. I will be a total emotional mess but the tears will be tears of joy. It has all been worthwhile!"

If you’re a foster carer or just doing it tough with a child that feels like an alien in the family, then remember their motto “to hang in there and not give up”! To any mum who has had to curb her own career or goals for her family, thank you!