Frantic families: A lesson in slowing down

G’day. Have you ever watched the movie “Danny Collins” starring Al Pacino? It’s about a big time rock star who’s filthy rich but his life is totally empty.

That story reminded me of a case I had some years ago. Steve, was the ultimate Type A personality, bright, passionate, very competitive and destined for the top.  He played rep Rugby Union for the school and Gordon Footy club as an inside centre.

But at school he had few friends as he always wanted to beat everybody, people were just heads to tread on as he climbed to the top. When I first met Steve regarding family discord, he was already richer than most of us would ever dream of being.

But as we all know, wealth relates poorly to health or happiness. Steve was CEO of a major Hedge fund – so wealthy, he not only had his stable of top horses but a shed full of luxury cars, 26 in all and the property boasted its own heli-pad so dad could get to and from work without any road rage.

Mum had her own Deli business and worked long hours. They had a huge mansion which has been featured in House magazine. After they moved into this utopian luxury, the young five year old started to feel lonely and isolated in her big room, miles away from mum.

She would scream every night and big brother in the next room didn’t want to know about his whingey little sister, and just teased her relentlessly. Young Lucy became so upset, and the whole family so sleep deprived, that she moved in with mum. So now dad was the one not getting sleep so he moved into the guests’ room because his hectic schedule couldn’t cope with broken nights.

In Danny Collins story, it was a letter his manager found from John Lennon telling him not to lose sight of the basics. He surrendered his life of debauchery and reconnected with his estranged family.

In Steve’s case a heart attack did the job. While he was getting his affairs in order, he found among the collection of old memorabilia, a birthday card from his much adored grandad that said words to the effect of “Stephen, you are very clever and a good rugby player, but always remember you’d be nothing without your forwards. Respect them, don’t tread on them”. Love forever Pop!

Steve claims it hit him hard. And although he couldn’t save his marriage, his outlook took a 180 degree turn about. He resigned as CEO, did heaps of rehab to get fit again and in time started up his own Financial Management business close to home.

The mansion has gone, Suzie has a modest home near the water, Lucy goes to the local school so she has lots of little friends, and Steve takes the kids every second weekend and half the holidays.

When I last saw him, with Suzie and Lucy, he just shook his head at the mistakes he’d made. He said he was just copying his dad. As he left he said “you tell those other fathers to get their act together before it’s too late”. That night I got an email from Steve, which was still in their file with excerpts from the Slow Dance poem.

“Have you ever watched kids on a merry-go-round? Or listened to the rain slapping on the ground? Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight? Or gazed at the sun into the fading night? You better slow down. Don't dance so fast. Time is short. The music won't last.

Ever told your child, we'll do it tomorrow? And in your haste, not seen his sorrow? Ever lost touch, Let a good friendship die Cause you never had time To call and say "Hi".You'd better slow down. Don't dance so fast. Time is short. The music won't last”

Thanks Steve, wherever you are, We could all learn that lesson.