Narelle's nervy: A lesson in the human spirit never gives up

G’day – have you ever been this low?

Sharyn handed me this clipping from an article I wrote in the Brisbane News in 1997 – said she had kept it on her fridge all that time, to read when needed.

Sharyn found it so useful I thought I should share it in this series.

To say that Narelle was having a bad hair day totally underplays what she was experiencing – it wasn’t just a bad day, it was a totally overwhelming series of heart and back breaking setbacks; her husband had left for greener pastures, and her two girls under 5 were at war, probably because they could sense the anger in the air. To cap it all off her washing machine had broken down and while she was trying to get someone out to fix it, her preschoolers had drawn with crayons all over the wall-paper in their room.

I don’t know what you’d do in this crisis – some just cry it out, some try their deep breathing to stay in control, some I know keep a little bag of keep-sakes from the kids to remind them that they’re not all bad, some will pound their pillow, some will try phoning a friend or anyone who will listen, some will shut the door and suck in fresh air until they can regain their composure, some will just scream out to the Almighty to fix it – whatever can get it up and out and hurt nobody else.

Narelle was beyond all that. The time had come for a total breakdown! So Narelle went into her room, pulled the blinds down, threw herself on the bed and waited for the break down, sobbing uncontrollably. As she lay there her three year old Krystle climbed up on the bed, plonked herself and an ice-cold kilo jar of yoghurt on her mother’s stomach and pleaded with her mum to help her open it.

“Yoghurt” Narelle screamed “I’m having a break-down and you talk to me about yoghurt!” Maybe aware that if she flung it, she’d still have to clean it up, Narelle ripped open the yoghurt and again awaited the break-down. Suddenly she had a vision of Krystle falling over on her way back to the kitchen, so she jumped up, cursed the kids and the fact that she couldn’t even have a break-down in peace and decided that she would have to postpone her break down. With the help of neighbours and the local women’s health centre, that break-down is still on hold but her love isn’t. they’re a family.

But sometimes we need that something special to remind us that we can cope. Over the years I’ve been sent so many letters and poems, including this one reputedly found in a youth hostel in New Zealand. It’s called “Comes the Dawn” by Veronica Shoffstall

After a while you learn the subtle difference
Between holding a hand and chaining a soul,
And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning
And company doesn’t mean security,
And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts
And presents aren’t promises,
And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes open
With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child,
And you learn to build all your roads on today,
Because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans,
And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.
After a while you learn
That even sunshine burns if you get too much.
So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul,
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure...
That you really are strong,
And you really do have worth.
And you learn and learn...
With every goodbye you learn.

I so love that poem and it’s sort of tragically true isn’t it? Only pain lets us understand pleasure, only rejection makes us savor acceptance, and only time can give us a wisdom to make sense of it all. Narelle and Veronica, Sharyn and I welcome you to my Humble