Pat O’Shane: A lesson in setting boundaries

G’day Jensen, have you ever heard of Pat O’Shane.

Pat O’Shane, was a very well-known and respected Children’s Magistrate and very proud of her aboriginal heritage. Pat was kind enough to contribute to my book “Who’d be a parent” some years ago and I found her story so powerful, I’ve included an excerpt here.

“I see so many parents today who seem to be afraid of their children, afraid that if they take a stand they won’t be popular. But in my view I’m the parent and being a parent carried very clear and important responsibilities.

I had no hesitation in making it clear to the children that I was in charge. This was my house, my rules and my consequences. They didn’t always like it but as they’ve grown up - they’ve told me that they respected me for it.

A good example of this was one with my daughter when she was doing her HSC. They had an end of term party, and I’d always said “never get into the car with a driver who has had anything to drink.

Call me if you need, any time, day or night and I’ll come and get you but don’t get in that car”. This night I got a call about 2 am and went to the party - and I took her home and she was fine. That same night her friends got into the car with a driver who had been drinking, and several were killed.

That upset my daughter enormously for a long time but I think it also brought home the message - that I had a reason for taking the strong lines that I did from time to time.

You have to learn to say no and that is sometimes very hard.

I subscribe to the view that there’s too much emphasis on children’s rights without an equal emphasis on their responsibilities too - and that includes housework,

I think it’s about time we stood up and put some of these parenting responsibilities back on the agenda.

In the children’s court a little while ago, there was a young lady before us, and she was, in my judgment and from my experience, a wilful miss!

Her solicitors were pleading for light treatment but I felt she was just being wilful and needed firm management and ruled accordingly.

Her solicitors were shocked and horrified.

I said to them, “Not only have I sat on thousands of cases such as these, not only am I a parent myself, but I’ve also taught thousands of children, - that is my judgement from my experience and that is my ruling”.

Sure we must treat children with respect but they also have to learn how to earn that respect. It all comes back to parental responsibility.

There is nothing more important or more urgent than that in today’s families”.

Wow. I just love strong clear parenting. If we can’t give the lead in life, who else is?

Pat O’Shane, for speaking up and speaking out for the welfare of Australia’s most important asset, our children, I welcome you to the Humble Heroes Hall of Fame!