Rob and Carolyn: A lesson about an unforgettable lesson grandparental love

G’day, Sometimes I get a lesson in selfless love that shakes me to the core. And to be totally honest, this was the first case I thought of when I was asked to salute all the Humble Heroes in my many years working with families.

Carolyn and Rob were the loving grandparents. They came to see me with their daughter Samantha and their gorgeous six year old granddaughter, Heidi – both lived with them since Samantha couldn’t cope on her own. As Samantha wanted to talk to me alone, Rob and Carolyn took Heidi out into the waiting room.

Through buckets of tears, Samantha told me that she had a terminal condition and only had months to live. She asked me to promise that when she died I would fight to let Heidi stay with the grandparents. Samantha was so angry with her ex, Trent, Heidi’s father, who was in the military and living interstate. Samantha claimed Trent had shown scant disregard for her feelings or her medical condition or Heidi.

Of course I agreed and six months later Samantha passed away but then the battle began. Trent said he was next of kin, had a new partner and wanted Heidi to live with him. Trent had taken the matter to court and had a ruling in his favour. So Rob and Carolyn were back in to see me totally confused with what to do, given their own enormous love for Heidi and their promise to Samantha to keep Heidi in their care.

As their legal advice was consistent with the court ruling, we decided to forge a link with Trent. Fortunately he was agreeable to an amicable staged transfer of Heidi to his care. It started with regular phone calls to Heidi, then coming up to see her and taking her out for fun time together, then visiting her school and meeting her friends, then the big visit with Rob and Carolyn to visit dad and meet his partner, Karlye. I armed Heidi with my worrywoo, Squeek, and the accompanying Andi Green book, “the monster in the bubble”. Squeek had been scared to try anything new or take on any new adventures and Heidi needed some fortitude.

That process took about 9 months and then Trent issued his own ultimatum; he wanted Heidi to start the New Year living with them and attending their local school. This all happened about four years ago now; Heidi is quite settled in her new home, has a great group of close friends and has taken up cheer leading. She rings Carolyn about once a week and they have been down to see her in her new life.

So the outcome is all good, I suppose. I sometimes see Rob at the hardware store where he works part time, and it’s all very friendly. How is Carolyn I ask – she’s OK, still aches for Heidi and her daughter. How are you Rob – his eyes well up and he just says OK.

Would I do anything differently if I had the case again? I don’t think so, it was for the best. But it did remind me of two big lessons. The first is just how adaptable children are – keep in mind that they are the most adaptable creatures on the planet, bar none – so we probably need to remember that, for the most part, they will adapt and we don’t need to sweat the small stuff. The other lesson is just how awesome was/is that selfless love of Rob and Carolyn! Let’s be grateful for the love in our lives – imperfect and indefinite as that may be!

What a lesson, what love – now my eyes are welling up and I think I’d best leave it there. I just hope Squeek is still doing his job for Heidi.